All I Need
by Songstress Yunie
Summary: Ken gets extremely depressed thinking about how his dream of being a soccer star, of having a normal life, will never come true... Will a visit from a certain cold redhead cheer him up?


All I Need  
  
by Umi  
  
January 2001  
  
Disclaimer: Ken, Aya, and all Weiss Kruez characters belong to Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss, not me! I'm not makin' any money out of this!  
  
WARNING: This story contains shounen-ai, which is male/male love! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, please just don't read this fic!  
  
Note: This fic will contain spoilers about Ken's past and episode #4!   
  
  
Kase...  
  
I can't believe that you...  
  
You...  
  
Betrayed me.  
  
How could you?  
  
We were so close... So close. I trusted you, with all my heart and soul.   
  
Why?  
  
You said you were jealous of me. You said you were jealous that I was so successful in the J-League, that I was so popular... Well, look at me now, Kase. Look at me...  
  
Are you jealous of me now?  
  
Or are you happy that my life turned out like this?  
  
Are you pleased that I've become what I have? Are you pleased that I've become an assassin, a killer? Someone whose hands are forever stained... with blood? With sin?  
  
I told you I don't like Hell, Kase.  
  
Now do you see why?  
  
I sit down on my bed and grab my pillow. I wrap my arms around it, hugging it close to my chest. I know I look like a little kid right now, but I can't help it. Sometimes, I feels so lost, so confused...  
  
Just like a little kid.  
  
I squeeze the pillow tighter.  
  
I feel like I need to hold onto something, anything...  
  
Since if I don't, it'll be taken away from me.  
  
Just like everything in my life was.  
  
Just like my dream of becoming a professional J-League star was. My dream to do what I loved the most for the rest of my life. My dream to be known all over the country, the world. To have fans who admire me. To have teammates who count on me. To be someone... special...  
  
I was so close. So close... But... I'll never forget that day. That day that I lost everything...  
  
That day all my dreams were shattered.  
  
I shut my eyes, letting my tears fall. I bury my face in my pillow, not caring if it got wet. I sob into the pillow, hoping that, by some miracle, everything would just go back to the way they were. I would be able to have a normal life again...   
  
I would be in the J-League, living my dream, spending everyday thinking about the next game, not the next mission, not the next kill. I would be with Kase, my best friend...   
  
But even if things were the same as back then, back before I joined Weiss, Kase would still have been plotting against me. He would still have betrayed me.  
  
He would still hate me.  
  
Maybe things were just meant to be like this.  
  
Maybe I was meant to be miserable.  
  
Still... A part of me wants my life back.  
  
I hear a loud knock on my door. I wince. I glance at my clock. It's late in the morning.   
  
"Ken, it's time for your shift! Don't tell me you're going to sleep in all day!!"  
  
"I'm coming." I manage to mumble. I hope he doesn't hear the stuffiness in my voice. I don't want him to know that I've been crying...  
  
"Ken? Are you ok..."  
  
"Don't worry, I'm coming!"   
  
I slowly put my pillow back on my bed. "I'm going to take a shower first, ok?"   
  
"Whatever."  
  
I sigh as I start my shower. Just another day... And I've had such a great morning to start it off with, ne?  
  
I dress slowly, not wanting to go to work, not wanting to remind myself of the life I'm living now...   
  
I open my door and see... Aya?  
  
"Hey there. You didn't have to wait for me, y'know?" I try to walk around him to go to work, but he suddenly pushes me back.   
  
"Hey! Aya!"  
  
"Were you crying?"   
  
"What?" I look up into Aya's amethyst eyes. I try my best to smile as widely as I can. "Who, me? Naw, I wasn't..."  
  
"You were, weren't you? I could hear you from outside." Aya watches me sternly, expecting an answer.  
  
I sigh. "Um..." I sink back against the door, lowering my gaze so he can't see my face. "Yeah, maybe a little. But, it's ok, I just had a weird... uh... dream... and so I couldn't sleep and..."  
  
Aya softly places his hand on my shoulder.   
  
"Aya?" My eyes widen in shock.  
  
"Ken... Try not to be so sad. Life's too precious for you to waste your time with tears."  
  
I look up to face him. "Um... I'll try."  
  
He smiles, ever so slightly. "Let's go to work now."  
  
I nod slowly. We walk in silence. We finally reach the shop, and I wave to Omi and Yohji. Before Aya and I separate, I have to tell him something. "Aya?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
He nods. I watch as he starts to work. In spite of everything I was feeling today, I smile.  
  
Maybe Aya's right. Maybe life is too important. Maybe my life is too important...   
  
Even though I lost everything I've ever had, everything I've ever known, everything I've ever wanted, I... I think I found something in return.  
  
A chance to truly help others in need. A chance for redemption.   
  
People who understand me. True friends.  
  
Love...  
  
Aya...  
  
Maybe that's all I need.  
  
I turn my attention to the others. I watch as Omi struggles to arrange a group of lilies so that they look just right. I can't help but smile. He's such a hard worker, so diligent in everything he does, whether it be arranging flowers or hacking into computers for information for our missions. He cares so much about everything he does, about everyone he meets. He's such a great friend to all of us, especially to me.  
  
I turn to watch Yohji. He's busy flirting with some of the older girls, as usual. I grin. He may seem like a lazy slacker who spends too much time smoking and flirting, but he's a great guy underneath. He knows what's really important and can be serious when he wants to, when he has to. Besides, he always manages to cheer me up with the lovable, cocky attitude of his.  
  
Hesitantly, I turn to face the last Weiss member. Aya... I let out a sigh. He's standing in a corner, watering some roses. His hair is as red as the roses. I smile. He sure was acting weird today. Still, it was a really nice change from his usual behavior...   
  
Yeah, his usual behavior... I sigh. I... I don't know why I... care about him so much. He's usually so cold, so stoic, so emotionless, so absorbed in his thirst for revenge. I don't know if he even cares about the rest of us as more than just allies, as partners in killing... I don't know what he thinks of me... That is, if he even knows that I exist...  
  
Still, when I look into his eyes, those beautiful amethyst eyes that shine like crystals, I get lost in an intense, deep sea of sorrow, of passion... Somehow, I can see so much emotion in those eyes...  
  
That's why I think that he's actually really...   
  
Lonely...  
  
That he really does care about things...   
  
A lot.  
  
Probably so much that it hurts.  
  
So much that he shuts himself off to the rest of us, to the rest of the world.  
  
Aya...  
  
I just want to comfort him... I just want him to share with me all the pain, the hurt, that he's feeling inside... I just want him to open up to me...  
  
I shake my head, desperately trying to shrug off these thoughts. Oh well. I smile wistfully as I turn back to my work. I wipe away a tear that trickled down my cheek. I don't want to cry anymore today... It's all right. I'm just happy...  
  
That I got to meet him.   
  
That I fell in love with him.  
  
I smile once again, wider this time.  
  
After all, that's all that really matters.  
  
I don't need him to love me back.  
  
All I need is to love him.  
  
Owari  



End file.
